There's no perfect life,, Only perfect mind

Some people think of how lucky I am to get the opportunity that most people in my society think that it is a privilege that only a few people can enjoy.
To be able to get a "work" directly even before my graduation day is one of the best of it. While most of my friends are have to wait months to get one. And even more, I have this work in another country. It is always recognized as a good achievement. And also with this opportunity I have a chance to travel and experience to a new and very exciting place every week.
I got a girl that I've been love so much in this more than 3 years, while -again- most of my friends are still doesn't even have a clue of where are their soul mate.
I got a family that is very supportive and seems like throughout the life it doesn't have any problem worth worrying for.
most of all.. I always generally feel happy and satisfied with my life
Well, until here, it seems like a perfect life.. but is it??

Recently one of my best friend is complaining about her life. She said that her life is a misery.. She got a job, but doesn't really enjoy because she feels that she can't fit with the people there and the payment is also unsatisfactory. She want to quit but can't, because she already signed a contract that noted that if she quit she had to pay a big amount of money to the company.
She also said that in this new city she can't find a "real" friend. She said the lifestyle and way of thinking are already very different. In here she is very far from her family and friend that really understand and care about her.

Until here I actually found out that all her problem is actually are also my problem here.
Like the problem to fit with the people in the company.. the payment.. can't quit the job... different lifestyle and way of thinking... far for friend and family that care about me...
And even, if I think about that, actually I got deeper problem with all that. If she says about difficulties to adjust with the new lifestyle. Then my problem is should be harder.
I can't ever get used to people talking very loud like shouting each other every time, I experience a bunch of stupid cultural misunderstanding that you wouldn't even believe, the "straight to the face" and sometime harsh comment from my boss if I made a mistake in my work. I also faced communication problem in every single day I live here. I have to take a very crowded bus every time I come back from office. Have to get used to the -sometimes strange- taste of Indian food, have to take care of all my daily needs of my own, don't know how to find stuffs and other things that I need. To be very far from my beloved, and my family, and loads and loads of other stuffs..

But well, I never even dare to think that my life is a misery.. I don't want to think about the bad thing. I always focused on my achievement, and the nice and exciting new experience I got here. If I compare the good and bad experience, maybe I will suffer and cry all the time. So, actually that's exactly is the point. Of how to highlight the good things, and to buried the bad things.

Kids are happy because they're think happy.. :D

Because life is great. It is a very big waste if we only think about the worst part and don't take the best part of it. I am 200% sure that there is always something great that we can be grateful about.
So, for people who think their life is a misery.. I just want to say that it is just the state of mind that determine whether you are happy or not. So, just decide that you are happy, and then be happy!!! :D

The Only Thing to Fear,,, (is Fear Itself)

Sometimes when I remember of how is my 2 months preparation before I go here in New Delhi, it's feels like really over-reacted now. But well, it's understandable, because this was my first time to go abroad. Without knowing anything of how is the condition and the people of this country, without any relatives or friends, without any backup plans if there's something wrong with flights, the company, or with the place that I'll stay. By that time, I remember that I'm so worried about everything.. Or to be more precise: I feel fear about all the "going to India for 5 months" things.

Now I've been here in New Delhi for 3.5 months.. And seeing what I am now, seems like there's nothing more to worried about in this country. Yes, maybe it was really difficult for me at the first month, but I really feel like home now. I can laugh at my unreasonable fright before and can really enjoy my time here. And so once again I've found my comfort zone.
To me those experience of once feel afraid, and then realize that I have conquer the very things that make me afraid, is really priceless. It is one of the greatest impact that I get from this "journey".
Right now, inside myself, I can feel that I have a lot more stocks of courage and confidence to face anything. So, next time If i'm feel afraid or worried about the uncertainty of the future that we can't predict. I can remember this moment and realize that actually the only things to fear is fear itself.. There's no reason to step away if we didn't face the problem yet!!
No one can predict the future.. So what?? just drive on it!

And in a few days I will have my first Ramadhan here by myself. Am I feel worried about that?? seems like not at all. I know that I will have a lot of difficulities just to keep my fasting 'on tracks', but I even kind of expected and feel glad and happy about this. Because I believe it can increase and thickening my religious life. I also hope that in this precious moment I can show my grateful feeling to God whose been give me a great challenge, experience and help me with all the difficulities in this life. I hope.

Existance,,,

It's always hard to understand a people who doesn't believe in God or any religion if we are ourselves are a believer.
In the opposite, I also believe that it will be hard for people who doesn't believe in God or any religion to understand people who live by the religion.

Well, but life's goes on.. God, doesn't need anything from the mankind. If God wants to be prayed and worshiped, then He can made all mankind as a faithful believer..
- But He did not - He wants us to search for the truth. To understand. And then believe. So we can worshiped Him by our own will. Not just because it is something that we have to do.

"Ikhlas". As the highest level in a human existance

People Perception and The Point of View,,

Yesterday I have a chat with my friend. He is Colombian, and we talked about Che Guevara. In the International point of view, we saw that Che Guevara is a revolutionist, a great man that do a lot of great things. But for him, Che Guevara is a rebel, a killer(he killed a lot of people there), or even a terrorist(he even stated out that his lecturer said that Che Guevara is the biggest terrorist in South America). Well, that is really new to me.. but, yeah I accepted his point of view. Because I know he is the one who is really experienced it and learned about it from both aspect. From their government point of view, and from international point of view. While I just read from Wikipedia. So my knowledge is really narrowed and un-balanced.
These things also reminded me about the conflict in Timor Leste. When i was a kid, in an elementary school, I learn about that conflict.. And of course our textbook that we use there in school are made by Indonesian government. So when I learn about the Timor Leste, I saw that Indonesian government are very kind and generous towards them. I read that before Indonesian government came, Timor Leste is the last nation in 1970's that still suffer from colonialism. And then our government came there, and liberate and develop the region. I think that time i agree with the term "liberate", because I saw that there's nothing there before we came. The land is not good enough to grow crops, there's no irrigation system, the people mostly are uneducated(the literacy rate is just 7%), other infrastructure there are also undeveloped.
After Indonesian government came, we give a huge amount of money to build roads, schools, hospitals, irrigation system, and give fund for local people to study in Surabaya or Jakarta, but we receive nothing from them. We don't gain profit, because there's no important commodities that came from that region. There's no important natural resources that can be sold. Simply by that time, I just said that Timor Leste is suffered, and then we rescue and help them.
Only after the internet era came, I can learn by myself from a lot of other international sources that, in the International world, our image as a nation is drop because of this. They never use the terms "liberate". They said that Indonesia is "invading" Timor Leste. And by the process of invation, we killed a lot of local people, we use guns, and bomber plane to take control of the region. Hundred thousands of people are died in this process. And so, right now my point of view about Timor Leste and Indonesian government is changed. I agree that Indonesian government is indeed invading Timor Leste. But still, if we're looking from Indonesian Government point of view, they will still think that they're doing the good thing there also. And that's what makes the majority of Indonesian think: that we're doing the right thing there.
If it's the truth that we're so kind to them, so why d'they want to leave us??

Well, the main lesson that I can get from the story is that, if we want to know the truth, we can't just rely on one source of information. We have to see from each point-of-view. And then, we can make a judgement. If we just know from one side, then we don't have rights to decide where is the one who is right or wrong. Because it's the nature of human to said that their selves are the most right, the most knowledgeable, and wise. etc.

There's no guarantee in life,,,

One of the most useful (and interesting) part when we're using facebook (or any other social networking site actually) is that we can re-connect to our old friend, see how are they doing now, and see what's the 'changes' they have been of. Lately, i met a lot of my childhood friend there.. some of them are friends that are a very2 close friend to me in it's time. I've been spend a lot of time with them, so that i can know them very well.
But then, after the nice re-meeting and re-intermezzo again with them, then i realized that some of them have unpredictably in the position that i was never expect they will be.. Like there's one of my friend who is doing very2 good at high school, but right now is still got difficulities even to finish their university study. One girl, who is just an average student in school, right now is in the top university abroad have started her master degrees. Another girl who was the best national test score holder in entire region when in the elementary school are not even continuing her study in university. And there's still more examples...
The most interesting part that i want to share here right now is that after realizing this fact, i can now conclude that there's no way we can predict our future only by looking our condition that we're in at the moment. There is no guarantee in life..
Like my last example above about that girl whose not continuing her study, she is doing really good in elementary school, win a lot of award, scored the best test result in the entire region, etc. By that time, all people will predict that she is the one that can go to the top school and universities, graduate easily, and can get a great job. But the fact is almost like random.. perfect grade in school can't guaranteed even a smooth university entry. And in the opposite, some people whose even doing really bad in both elementary school and high school (like me, for example.. :D) , will still got a chance to gain a good test result and get a ticket to a decent university.
Well, now we can say that life is indeed like a big game of gambling. There's no guarantee in life.. So, don't be cocky if you're now in any aspect are on a good position, because it can disappeared in no time if you're not aware. And also never feel bad if you're still on a bad position, because you still got an unlimited chance to climbed up.
All we can do and need to do is just "do the best in what we're in right now". We're still on a long journey of life.. we're on an unstable moment where everything is on the process to shaped. So, search and take every chances that comes to you, and use it as well as possible.
arghh... i think i've been involved in the "stalking" part

Been trough the worst,,,,

Okay, i have a very special things to celebrate this month.. it's me and my girlfriend's 3rd anniversary. Well, i have to say that this thing is really2 special for both of us, because i realize that actually not many people can achieve this.. Being with her for this three years makes me feels that i've been trough on almost every "bad-thing-that-can-happened-in-a-man-and-woman-relationship". So that i think right now, there will be nothing left that can harm our relationship again..
Humm, let me review about this "bad-thing-that-can-happened-in-a-man-and-woman-relationship" one by one

1. She has been cheating on me.. once.
Actually after i found out about this, i was dumped her right away.. for about 10 minutes :) but somehow we can talk about it, and i forgive her.. and we agreed to not talk about this thing anymore (i don't even want to remember anything about this)

2. I've been cheating on her.. so many times :D.
Well, this is the basic problem for all couples in the world. We boys are always selfish.. it's in our basic instinct. Some said that boys always want to conquer everything.. After we got one, we will always want more. Maybe because we just curious with a new girl and want to get closer, or maybe because we are already hooked up with one woman for a long time, and just want to have another experience.. Yeah, i've been there too.. for so many times. But in the end, I will realize that this feeling is just temporary and i will always comes back to my girl that i am now.. because then we will found out that the things that we needed the most is the commitment and understanding from our partner. And I have got it all from her. So, what more can i expect..

3. We are so very very different from all aspect. really, we're opposites in almost everything.. :)
I've heard that the main reasons for a couple to divorced is because they are not matched for each other. But heyy, this is the one that makes life is so damn beautiful.. Because we are all different. What's the point of looking for a companion if in the end, we just looking for another "ourselves". The differences is something that can makes us "complete" each other..Very different in everything.. or we're just the best of our own worlds,,,

4. She doesn't goes well with some of my friend, and (i think) some of her friend also doesn't feel very comfortable if i'm around
well, no comment about this.. I have to admit that this thing is still not going so good.. but at least we're always try to be nice to everybody.. :)

5. Separated by distance... At the beginning we're just 3 hours apart. and now we're thousands miles away
Not really separated actually.. technology is always helps us.. we can still be in touch and at least can know whats happening in each other. There's a lot of people who can not stand the distance.. But if you already have a strong connection to each other. You will not even worried by this thing.

6. And still a lot of other things that i can't mentioned here....
Believe me, i still got much.. So, i'm really grateful that i still with her in this 3 years and after all this obstacles that comes in our way.

Sometimes we got a big obstacles, and some other time we got even bigger.. However, all of that will not harm us.. but in the other hands, it even makes us grow stronger. It makes us more mature as a couple. So, after all these 3 years of good and bad.. i hope we're already grew up and tough enough to keep movin on, and we will be just fine till the end.. :D

Why is Always India,,,??

Why is always India...??? Hundreds of foreigner come to Delhi alone, on a vacation, to work, or to study. I'm feeling jealous when i recognize this.. Jakarta, Semarang, Bandung, Jogjakarta, Surabaya also got everything that a big city like Delhi got. Even somehow, in some aspect, big cities in Indonesia is better than Delhi. Like the weather, the cleanliness, the hospitality of the people, the big shopping mall and fancy restaurant. So, why is always India?? In the news, in the internet, in magazines, etc.. people always talk about India. Thousands of people from Europe, America and East Asia wants to go here, tons of international NGO and social organization donate for the development of India. In 2004 tsunami disaster, Indonesia is the country that suffers the most, but the amount of international donation that goes to India is a lot more compared to Indonesia. Everyman on this planet knows India but not Indonesia. Indonesia is the fourth most populist country, but when i said "Indonesia" to some people that asked me where i come from, some of them doesn't even now where it is located, or what is the capital!! Most of them said that i am the first Indonesian that they met. So, what gives???

They got metro rail here, but what?? a lot other also got that one too

The first thing i noticed is that there's a LOT of people speaking in English here. And they are not just English, but a perfect English, with nice grammar and chosen words. There is a huge number of scholar and smart guy also in Indonesia, but that doesn't guarantee that they can speak English. Maybe they wrote a lot of stories, essays, researches etc, but all in Indonesian.. So, that doesn't have any benefit to other people living in this planet!! in the other hand, Indian scholar always made their publication in English, and spread it to all over the world. Movies, stories, web posts, etc. There are thousand of news websites, tourism websites education websites etc. in Indonesia, but only a few are using English. so, how can we expect that the foreigner all over the world will know our condition here?? how can we expect them to come to study in Indonesian universities, if they don't know anything about the universities at all?? in the contrary, ALL Indian universities got their websites in English, and even they promote it to the whole world!

Learning from the beginning, makes a big differences

Maybe this language problem is just a small problems, but if we want to have our country recognized by the whole world, the first step is clear.. Publicize it!! and off course publicize it in English words.

Forgiving....

To forgive means to forget,,,

What's so nice about this country,,,

Pick any places in Indonesia, drive a few hours in any direction, and then you will find people speaking in a different languages, have a different culture and custom, eat different foods and drinks and sometimes even different appearances, behaviour and religion...
But all of them will share one similarities : kindliness, friendliness, honesty, simplicity and if you smile to them, they will certainly smile back to you with a deeper one..
deep smile shows honesty,,,
Maybe we're all already lived in this environment since birth, and most of us will not even realize how great is this blessing upon our country. For me too, i just realize it lately -when my time to leave Indonesia is approaching- that we all should be thankfull to our God, because He puts us in the most diverse nation on earth, that we can experience a culture shock with just a few hours away from home, learn every philosophy from each different culture, taste local foods and drinks, meet with a lot of interesting characters, feels different weather condition and so on.. See how much that we can get from this country alone.. but somehow we just never can feel satisfied.

Weirds happened,,,

I just found this weird fact today, that actually i always did a blog post on the early days of the new month.. I've rechecked again all my blog post, and found that most of my post is written on 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th day of the month.. humm, maybe it doesn't have any meaning, or it's just a weird coincidence and you might think that there's nothing special about it.. but, this kinda thing(the weird, unexplained, or unlogical thing) is always excite me up a bit.. It can makes my head thinking and wondering out of way (which is could be good, especially because lately, my mind keep thinking in the same boring way..).. Could it be a sign that my mood or even creativity is affected by the lunar orbit?? or my biorithmic cycle that controls my spiritual quotions is on the peak position on the early month?? humm..

Anyway, still affected by this mistery-excited feelings i search trough the internet to find something about scientology.. just for your information, scientology is a new so-called religion (the weird one, but it became very popular after Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes declare themself that their religion is scientology), that beliefs that human minds is somehow inhabited by some alien spirit. And this spirit is not good to human, because it affected human's feeling, thinking, or way of life. So, the scientologist have some kind of a ritual to sucked up the alien spirit of human's body, to makes their mind returns to the original and pure state. Very weird right?? and if anyone would ask me what's the couse, maybe because this "religion" is declared by an author of science fiction novels. that's why..

But this scientology is somehow very popular now, and got a lot of follower.. Now the question is "How come, in any way, people will trust something that very clearly unrational like that, that comes from a science fiction novels author??" My best guess is that because people, how ignorant they are, is sometime will think about their existance.. like "what force is created them", "for what reasons", "is our life is being watch by some spiritual being". etc. And maybe, in the journey of searching the answer, they found the scientology, and suddenly feels very comfortable with it. Because in a lot of cases, the most comfort answer is sometimes by put a question to another person's shoulder and let them deal with it.

So, this case is can be seen like when in a class, your teacher asked something like "who finds america??" to you and, because you don't know the answer you just said "oh, don't asked me, ask Johny, he seems to know that.." Only, in this case, the question is like : "What is this force that created and look over to all of us??" and their answer is : "Well, don't asked me, ask the alien, they seems to know the answer".

A very relieving for some people. But yet, in the end, that such answer will not solve any problem at all.. because if human is created and looked over by the alien, then who created the alien??

or maybe it's so popular just because of Tom Cruise.. huff.. waddaya think??

Lost in Translations,,,

I've been using a lot of english lately, thanks to AIESEC who invites me to join their project. In this last three weekends, i even had to use english almost all day long.. I always kinda confident with my english, but somehow those activities is reminds me too, that even tough i can communicate well, it still needs a whole lot more energy to me if i speaks English compared to if i speaks in Indonesian or Javanese. My brain getting tired of arranging, or searching some words that i want to say..

The problem is maybe because i still "think" with Indonesian or Javanese, it's like my brain cells is communicate to each other using those language.. For example, if some of the "bule" asked me "How's your day?" i will capture the question first, then there's like some part of my brain that understands English try to translate those words into the language that all part of my brain does understands (wich is Indonesian or Javanese), and after that, my brain can do the process of searching the approphiate answer from the question. But, those answer that my brain comes up with is -unfortunately- in Indonesian or Javanese too, so, then i have to make my part of the brain wich understands English to do the translation works again before i can opened up my mouth to responds to that question in English..

So, if i communicate in english it can be said that i use double amount of energy. Very-very unnefective and wastefull.. But, as some of you might have found out, that the problem is actually can be solved with a very simple way : "make all part of the brain to understand English". because if all part of my brain had understand English, then i can speak up directly to the "bule" of what i wanna say.. i don't need the translation process anymore. It will saves a lot of energy, and furthermore can increase my respond time too.. i can be spontanious even if i'm using English..

Then, how can i manage to train English to my brain?? Simply, by made "my brain cells" to communicate to each other by English all the time. You know, like when i'm humming, thinking, or wondering about something, i will use English now instead of Indonesian or Javanese. And i hope after several weeks doing these, all part of my brain will be fully acostumed to English, and doesn't need any translation process again.. Well, hopefully i can done that before the end of the next month.. ;)

Music is a Poetry Wich Have a Background Scenery Made From a Musical Instrument Composition,,

this one is a poetry:
Carry this picture for luck, kept in a locket
Tucked in your collar, close to your chest
Make it a secret, shown to the closest friends
And meet me at quarter to seven
The sun will still shine then at this time of year
We'll head to the inlet, and we'll share a bottle there
(Carry This Picture - by. Dashboard Confessional)

And this one is a music :
--G---------------------C---------------A7
carry this picture for luck kept in a locket
-----------------D-------------------G7
tucked in your coller close to your chest
------------C-------------------A7-------D
make it a secret shown to the closest friends
-----G---------------------C
and meet me at quarter to seven
--------------------A7-------------------------D
the sun will still shine then at this time of year
-------------------G7----------------------A7------D
we'll head to the inlet and we'll share a bottle there
(Carry This Picture - by. Dashboard Confessional)

So, music is not just a bunch of people playing a musical instrument. To me, music is about how to express our feelings trough the lyrics and then try to imitate that feeling's situation with a musical composition. Music is a poetry. . a poetry wich have a background scenery made from a musical instrument composition.

Between The Palestinian, The Israeli, and The US,,,

Israeli military agression has been going for more than ... days now. but yet, no one have come to solve or -at least- made any improvement to stop the conflict. You might think that what's hapened for Palestinian is very unfair.. But unfortunately, that is the reality,, any chances that Palestinian might have to stop the agression is somehow had blocked by the US.


just for your information, i'll show you some of the explanation why the world is seems to neglect Palestine :

Q : Why the United Nations(UN) can't do anything to stop Israeli military agression??
A : Because everytime UN wants to make a decission that will contradict with Israel, it will always "veto"-ed by US

Q : Why Arabian countries don't do anything to help Palestine??
A : Because the most powerfull Arabian countries like Egypt and Saudi Arabia are now allied with US. Iraq and Afghanishtan who have significant army are already teared up by the previous war. Iran is still suffering from a long term economic and weaponary embargo. While Hizbullah troops in Lebanon don't have any diplomatic power, and therefore don't have rights to commit an attack. Other country like Syria and Jordan might be vocals, but they don't have a sufficient economic and military power to confront with Israel.

Q : Egyptian has a history to defend Palestine from Israel military agression on the "Six Days war" and "Yom Kippur war". Why do they seems to be quiet and let all that bad things happened now??
A : Egypt is no longer ruled by Anwar Sadat.. Egypt present president Hosni Mubarak are now allied and have a very close relation with the US. US goverment is now spent not less than 2 billion USD per year as an aid to the Egyptian goverment to keep this "good relationship".

Q : Hosni Mubarak have ruled Egypt for more than 25 years now. And he was proven to betray his people by makes friend with the US. So, why Egyptian people still elect him as a president??
A : US always said that Egypt is a democratic country, and Hosni Mubarak is elected democraticaly. But the truth is not like that.. there's a big amount of evidence that proved that the election is rigged. Hosni Mubarak won because he have the money and power to supress the opossition. Therefore, he will always win the election. (US is shown a very clear example of a double standard here...)

Q : Saudi Arabia once embargoed it's oil supply to US and that has made US had a depression era without oil. Why Saudi Arabia doesn't use it's "oil power" again??
A : Oil market is not a free market. And US whose now consume more than 60 percent of world's energy is in control of the oil market and prices. Therefore a country like Saudi Arabia that depends it's income on oil alone, are very weak and vulnerable. If Saudi Arabia made a conflict with the US, it's main income resources can be troubled too.. in short: Saudi Arabia depends almost all of it's income from oil (it's second export is second hand furniture and electronics?!?! wheww), and the main buyer of oil is US. That's why Saudi Arabia doesn't want any trouble with it

Q : Why Indonesia doesn't do anything to stop Israeli military agression??
A : Almost the same thing as in Saudi Arabia.. Indonesia's main export market is with the US, while indonesia is only ranked 20th from all the US's economic partners. So, our bargain power is -unfourtunately- very very weak.. We can provoke our goverment to make a confrontation with US, but will we still think this way if we started to loose our job?? or if the comodities price are doubled???

huff, that's a hard reality, but that is the reality..
Well, what do you think?? is there any other chances? please.. feel free and don't hesitate to suggest, comment, or deny me...

How business is done !!!

Well, actually it's never been my habbit re-post somethin.. but heyy, this jokes is really funny and inspires me, that i think everyone 'll have to read this..
enjoy :)

In That Case... OK!

One day, a father talks to his son
Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case... OK."

The next day, father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry !"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... OK."

Finally, father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need !"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... OK .

Love means to commit,,,

Few days earlier, my love-banged friend asked me a very classic question: "what is love's actually means??" Something that very cliche, but yet, no one can give an exact answer of that question. Everyone have their own oppinion.. and maybe, that is what makes love is so difficult for some people. When two people are in a relationship but had a different perception about love, then it will not going well.

Few years earlier, maybe i'd just can say i love you to anybody whose got an atractive appearence for me. But if love is that shallow, so why there's people who can stayed with his couple forever if his couple is not a physically or materially attractive? or even when a lot more better man is propose her over??

Like many other, i've been trough a lot of obstacle in every relationship i've had.. Some obstacles are too big.. sometimes it even can made me quit and gave up on it however hard i'd try to mantain. So now, as the time goes by, i can realize that actually the only thing that can bend a man and a woman together together in a relationship is not "the hang out together", "the funny stories", "the teasing to each other", "the shoulder to rely on", or all other good and bad times together, but the awareness about how he and her are commit to the same way. If they both are commit to their relationship, then there is nothing more to expect..

I believe in this enormous world, there's thousands of girls whose lot better and a lot more fits to me than my girl i'm on now. But, when everytime i'm on a relationship i still looked over a better person, then when is this going to be over? And if she thinks that way too, i don't have a chance to get her either.

So don't bother to complain with your couple's pluss' or minuss'. If you have think that he/she can be the one for you, so just go for it. And the most important thing: commit for it. Whatever will happened, you're in a relationship with him/her. There will be no such thing like don't fit to each other anymore.
And for me, that's what is love actually means.. a commitment to a relationship.